Share your composition. Remember to describe a day in the life of the snowman considering all of the senses. Use a vivid vocabulary, vary your sentence structures, and organize your thoughts.
Today I was standing in the snow during this time i was peed on by a dog, got hot chocolate dumped on me, a squirl dropped nuts on me and I was kicked a lot. My only thoughts were kill me, boring, terrible, when will this day be over and kill me. Kids were hurting me the whole day by building me up and kicking me down to make matters worse in the night and owl burrowed in me and pooped on my head. This was the worst day of my entire life.
That’s a rather gloomy 24 hours. Aside from the sadness, consider the following:
– the pronoun I is never lower case
– proofread work out loud to determine where punctuation is needed
– more writing is expected for this activity
Wow it’s a nice snowy day. I see kids laughing,playing, and screaming like crazy. I wonder how tall the tree is over there by the icy swings? Wait a second I smell something sweet, hard, and juicy and not that far away.I know that smell, that’s a carrot . Haha I have carrot on my nose. Too bad I can’t walk or else I would be playing. Ooooooooooh, it’s lunch time. I wish I could eat or be like everyone else. I’ve only tried one type food and that is coal. Coal is lovely but, coal turns into diamonds and that’s hard to chew. Now I’m all alone all of the kids are gone. It’s extremely pitch black outside. Good night. Uh oh I’m melting someone help please! PLEASE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGH. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. 😉
Great observations with the carrot and the coal!
Morning comes and the snowman just wakes up. He is seeing young kids walking to school with there friends. The snowman is thinking “is only I could walk, I would be able to walk with them and hang out to”. He Smells freshly made hot chocolate from the store. The school bell rings and the snowman sits there while the kids run inside. The snowman is bored while the kids are in school. Recess comes and the kids come and play on the swings and equipment But there are always these couple of kids who try to destroy me.. He is running running at me, but this one kid comes up and saves me. He tells the guy to stop and go away. The boy leaves and the boy who saved me goes back on the swings. The bell rings and all the kids leave. During lunch when the kids are inside, the weather starts to get warmer and I start to melt. But when the kids come outside again they re-build me bigger and stronger. The snowman feels snowflakes fall while the kids are playing. When they leave for inside , the snowman feels sad and bored. He sits and waits for the bell to ring, when the bell rings for home time. He watches the kids leave and the snowman sits and watches people walk by. When it starts getting dark the snowman goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to the sound of kids again.
This is a lovely description. Keep trying to use a variety of sentence structures; there are several sentences using ‘The’ or ‘He’ as the first word. What other ways can these sentences be written?
When writing with ‘he’ you must stay in the 3rd person: “But there are always these couple of kids who try to destroy him.” (not me).
I’m a snowman and my day was a pretty normal day. I woke up at 7:20 and I had my normal batch of snow and cup of snow for breakfast. After breakfast I went to work over at the Elementary school playground. I got there by sliding myself onto a skateboard and rolled myself to the school. The road to the school was flat so I would have to push myself up a hill and instead of sweating I would just melt. When I got there I sat down and had a nap and waited for the recess bell to ring. The bell went for recess and the kids came running out the door like insane animals right toward me. Some of the kids hopped on my back and tried to ride me like one of those machines where you put a quarter in its head. The bell went again so the kids went back inside but some ran and kicked me on their way inside. It didn’t hurt cause I’m made of snow but I felt like whacking them in the head with my hand…but I didn’t. When they all went inside i felt kind of relieved because they were not all up in my grill. I sat down and and ate my snack… which was snow of coarse. The bell went again for lunch and the kids piled out of the door again. The kids picked up the snow and threw snow balls at me. That went on for the hole lunch hour. right before lunch ended the kids started taking me apart. The rest of my day is kind of self explanatory.
Great description. Your simile comparing kids at recess to insane animals is brilliant!
The words ’cause’ and ‘because’ are not the same: “It didn’t hurt cause I’m made of snow…” use ‘because I’m made of snow’
coarse = rough or jagged; use course when saying ‘of course’
use ‘whole’ for entire or all of…’the whole lunch hour’
my day in 24 hours,
well first of all it was kinda boring and I was really dizzy. I noticed that I gained a few pounds sorry allot of pounds like 50. then I saw people walking away from me and i couldn’t figer out who had done this to me because I was too dizzy too see who did this, so I got back up on my bottom snow ball and heard a ringing sound in my head then the people disapered into a building. So I spent some time thinking about who would have done this to me and I realized that I was in a play ground! at that point the people came back out so I tried to go hide but i was not use too my new body so i was stuck there. I could see clearly so I saw who had done this to me and it was a bunch of kids, so I talked to them and they were scared so I told them to leave me alone and before you know it there were more kids! But this time they were bigger and they kinda scared me so I told them to leave and they didn’t. But I heard the same ring in my head and then the kids all went back into the building so then I felt a stinging felling and I started to move and I was melting! then I decieded to lay down and I fell asleep and when I woke up I only was one ball then I fell asleep again…….
that was my snow man paragraph by josh N
This is a very good description with many good word choices. A few things to remember:
– begin sentences with capital letters
– vary sentence structures; there are several sentences beginning with ‘I’ or ‘So’
Snowman point of view
I woke up this morning as awake as could be. I was at a beautiful snowy playground , surrounded by lots of children playing. A girl rolled my head and a boy rolled my middle. It took teamwork from the kids to roll my big fat bottom. They stacked the balls in order, and made sure all the balls were perfectly rounded. As they were patting me perfect a ringing sound entered all the children’s ears. I could hear there feet stomping on the snow. The stomping was getting farther and farther away, until I could no longer hear them. The only thing I hear was the wind whistling in the tree’s. They had not put eyes on me yet so I could not see where they went. After a long time in the nice breezing wind the ring came to my ears. I could hear the kids laughing and running toward me. One of the children happily said, ” Now it’s time to make this snowman come to life.” I started to get excited because I wanted to come alive and feel alive, especially after being alone in the wind without a nose, mouth, eyes, arms,buttons, and of course the usual black hat and scarf to keep me cuddled. At least thats what I have heard from the snowmen down by the North Pole. CLUNK! They had entered my nose right in the middle of my head. Perfect! My carrot nose felt perfect. I could smell many things,fresh air, yellow snow….ewww, and the yummy chocolate bar that I suppose one of the children was munching on. Next plucked in my two eyes. One of the children couldn’t reach the top of the face so the eye balls were was about two cm from the mouth area.” I’ll help you with that,” said one of the children, and slowly placed the eye further up. Much better. It was so nice to finally see. I looked around and saw no children playing on the playground, but all the helping make me. It was great. I could see big kids and small kids all around me. I wanted to smile but I didn’t have my mouth yet. I looked and saw they all had a small black rock in their hands. ” Ready ..set..go,” a little boy said. They all placed their rocks in their rocks in the shape of a smile. Just how I wanted. All I could taste was snow and,well…..rock, 1, 2 , 3 buttons on my chest and two sticks stuck right in my second ball. Then one of the children took their beautiful blue scarf and wrapped it gently around my neck, ah warm. ” Ta-da,” A small girl with purple gloves and said,” Wait,” she said a voice from the back. ” you forgot the best part,” it said again. Out stepped a beautiful little girl, I would say about 7 years old. In her hands was a shining black hat. May I say it was beautiful. I wanted to just grab it, but I couldn’t move. I was only a snowman. I couldn’t wait for it to be on my head. They all put there hands on the hat and placed it on my head. I started to feel weird. I felt free. I could move, talk , and smile even bigger, all because of that hat. Now, today they call me Frosty the Snowman!! 😉
Great description! The pictures come alive in my mind! Remember when using several adjectives to describe one thing, separate the adjectives with a comma.
“I was at a beautiful, snowy playground ,”
Ok! Thank-you for the advice Mr. Bell! 🙂
and Mr. Bell of you were to letter grade me on this what would I get?
Your ideas and description are excellent (A); the grammar/spelling are very good (B). Ways to improve the spelling/grammar are to check homonyms (their/there/they’re)
Great work, Ryley! Interesting way you chose to have the snowman interact with the children. Good variety of “snowman” thoughts! Mrs. H
well after two people made me at a school ground or a park, I would first of all stand there because I can’t move. I would be hearing the birds chirping if there was still any left and they haven’t travelled somewhere warm. I would watch to see if anyone comes and See’s me or plays with me. My nose gets very cold, so I would like every once in a while if someone could come and change my nose. I don’t eat breakfast,lunch or dinner because I’m always full. It gets kind of lonely out here though and if I go inside I’ll melt. I wish I could talk out loud but I can’t because I am a snowman and there humans. I wish someone would come and make me another snowman that I could talk to. It gets especially lonely at night more because no one is there for about eight hours. They always come back in the morning and they’ll fix me. They will make my ball bigger or smaller or fix my nose or eyes or even my smile. Its sad though because at the end I always melt,but I come back next year.
I am just a snowman. But I live on a school playground and as the kids come and play they tend to see me more each day. The bell went for the kids to go inside. When they leave me alone crows come and pick off my carrot nose. Then when the kids came back out for a run-a-round lunch break the tweens-teens come around and scare then away and when they do that they all get a chance to through rocks at me and catapolte ice balls at me from tetor-toters and put holes in me. After that lunch I ended up with holes and dents all over my smody (Body/Snowman body). When they all whent inside my buttons got picked off by squirrels. I was starting to melt as the bright sun rays started to appear. After school some of the intermideate kids went on bring and kit me with there feet, Man can they go high ;). After school loggers came to cut a few trees down and the typical happend, one landed right on me and squeshed my insides. But around 1:00am in the morning teenagers came and had a snow ball fight with my body… But after all … I do live on a play ground. Thats MY 24 hour snowman life.
It was 1 in the morning when the snowman woke up. It was a beautiful snowy day out side. So beautiful that the sun came out but the sun was so hot that it started to melt the snowman. By 10:15 the snowman’s arms and nose started falling off. So the kids from school started patching the snowman up. But it was to sunny out and the snowman started getting really warm and didn’t feel good. By lunch time the snowman was a big puddle of water. The kids were really sad they felt bad for the snowman so they moved him under the slide and started patching him up with fresh snow … But they couldn’t finish in time before the bell rang. The snow man only had one arm and one eye. And half a nose.. The snowman was sad and didn’t like that so by 12 o clock the snow was really warm and when the kids try’d to finish patching him up the snow kept falling off on to the ground.. By 7 o clock these gr 9ers came and started poring hot water on him and he was melting, then the kicked him until he was just a clump off snow. By 10 o clock at night dogs started peeing on him and thats the story of the snowman. THE END
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