Hi Class! Using this post’s title to begin your response, submit a detailed argument using complex sentences.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uxCOFY5xMw[/youtube]
Use powerful words. Support your argument. Craft smooth flowing sentences. Be convincing and creative. Though there is not a strict word count, students are expected to write at least 150 words.
Replies are due Monday (February 24).
I Deserve a day off from school because I have to get up every day at 7am and get ready for school I have to get dressed eat pack my lunch and go catch the bus then wait at school for a hour and after school I go home and do some homework then after I Watch a little Television then I go to sleep and wake up and do the same thing for 5 days then a 2 day break then the same thing again for 5-6 more years then I will have a job and have to do the same thing for 40-50 years and that is lots of time having
to work and I really think I deserve to have 1 day off out of 17160 work and school days because that is lots of minutes actually it is 24710400 minutes to be exact so 1 day would not hurt.
Thanks for your response Matthew, but you have one MAJOR fix to perform then resubmit your post: write in sentences (including some complex sentences). You’ll notice you have no punctuation in your post until the end. Reread your work, add periods when ideas end and new ones begin.
I enjoyed your clever calculations to make your point!
Everyday I think to my self at least once a day, I deserve a day off of school. I am a hard working student and I always get my work handed in on time. Friday would be a great day to take off there are numerous reasons. Also you could have three sleepovers with your friend if you took Friday off. Next thing you know you get an extra day to sleep in. Although you can have Mondays off or other days during the week that always messes up my schedule during the week. I always need to relax and have a day to myself here and there, That would be the perfect time. Also you do not have to pack a lunch to school so you can actually eat something decent during a day. During my extra day I have some choices that would suit my fancy. One of the options would have to be to hang out with a friend and go to the mall or do a fantastic activity together. My second option would have to be to do a spa to myself if I cant find an activity to do outside of the house. My third option which probably be my favourite on a lazy day, To hang out with my dog, watch movies, bake , sleep and of course go to dance. The perfect day to do nothing. Everybody deserves a day off to them selves. I would assume that most kids would like a day off here and there. In my opinion only the kids that get there work done on time and are using there class time to the best of there ability will be able to have an extra day off. I have a pretty good idea of who would get the day off. That is why having a day off is amazing and most kids enjoy it. Who’s on my side?
Thanks for your detailed post Sydney! You’ve used many strong word choices such as numerous, fancy, and assume. Though I understand what you are trying to say in your opening sentence, it is repetitive: “Every day, I think to myself as least once a day, I deserve a day off of school.” The word ‘day’ isn’t needed three times.
Review the video on complex sentences and check out the link in the response to Alexa’s post, then rework your writing to add more complex sentences in a smooth flowing paragraph.
Lastly, check out the link on their/there/they’re.
wow your stry is prefect I like it
sydney
I deserve a day off of school because….
I deserve a day off of school because, I want to play with my friend on my playstation all day then go play out side on my scooter. with Sam TJ and gabby and the skate park. Then I would come home then play on my playstation again with Sam and Karon01Luc on Gta 5 and minecraft. Then after I would have lunch. I also deserve it because I all ways finish my work on time and all ways pay attention in class. Never be rude to Mr. Bell also never argue with him , never talk during class and other things. So that is why I deserve a day off of school. So please can I have a day off of school to play with my friends and on my playstation.
Thanks for your response Tanner, you’ve provided many good reasons to merit a day off, but there are some things to rework. Take time to reread each of your sentences carefully – if you read them out loud, it will be easier to hear what sounds strange.
For example: with Sam TJ and gabby and the skate park.
By itself, this example is not a sentence. It needs to be included in the sentence you’ve written before it. Also, names of people are proper nouns and require capital letters. Lastly, when giving a list of names, add a comma after each name: Sam, TJ, and Gabby.
The second item to notice is your use/placement of the word ‘then’. Use ‘next’ or ‘after’ or ‘afterwards’.
Lastly, this is an activity focusing on complex sentence writing. Have a look at the video again to get some ideas. In addition, click the link in Alexa’s post to see some of the words you need to write complex sentences.
I deserve a day off school because every day I try my best. By the time I get home, I am so tired. Every time I hand in homework, I hand it in on time. When I step in the door to school, I become focused on what I am doing. I am ready to work on the things I get. Whenever I hand in my work, it is always to the best of my ability. While the teacher talks, I always watch and listen to him. I listen to instructions, s I follow them as well. Although sometimes I don’t like to, I always participate in class activities. Every time I join something, I try my best in it. Before I leave to go home, I put all my stuff back. Whenever I take something, I always put it back properly. Every time someone needs help with something, I help them with it. That’s why I deserve a day off school.
Thanks for your response Sarah – you certainly do the things you mention! You’ve used some complex sentences effectively, way to go! Now, reread your post and count the number of times the word “I” is used. Do you thing it flows smoothly or does it sound like starting and stopping over and over? See if you can rework your writing to eliminate at least half of the times you’ve used the word “I”.
For example: After giving my best work at school on a daily basis by completing homework on time, focusing in class, and following the teacher’s instructions, I deserve a day off!
I deserve a day off from school because I want to spend time doing the things I love most. First of all if I got a day off from school I would go mountain biking. Biking creates focus, because when you are going around corners really fast and your not paying attention you will crash. Secondly when you are biking you are exercising your heart so that the blood can circulate faster and it’s healthier for your heart.
My other reason I would like a day off is to do lego. Firstly it creates finger coordination,
because the lego pieces are small and you have to clip them together. Secondly
it gets your brain going, because you have to read the directions and you have to
watch closely so that you don’t make mistakes. Thirdly you have to use your imagination,
because you can build whatever you want. In addition you can make it whatever size you
you want. In conclusion all of these reasons explain why a day off would be great.
Thanks for your insightful post Beau, I like what you’ve got planned for a day off. You have some punctuation issues to address:
– First, add a comma after transition words used to show a sequence (first, second, third,).
– When writing complex sentences, a comma is needed if the sentence begins with the dependent clause. (This sentence shows this example.)
– A comma is not needed if you begins with the independent clause when writing complex sentences.
Quick Fix:
– Lego is a proper noun and requires a capital letter.
I deserve a day off from school because I want to spend time doing the things I love most. First of all, if I got a day off from school I would go mountain biking. Biking creates focus, because when you are going around corners really fast and your not paying attention you will crash. Secondly, when you are biking you are exercising your heart so that the blood can circulate faster and it’s healthier for your heart.
My other reason I would like a day off is to do Lego. Firstly, it creates finger coordination, because the lego pieces are small and you have to clip them together. Secondly, it gets your brain going, because you have to read the directions and you have to watch closely so that you don’t make mistakes.
Thirdly, you have to use your imagination, because you can build whatever you want. In addition, you can make it whatever size you would like.
In conclusion all of these reasons explain why a day off would be great.
Good revising Beau!
I deserve a day off because I have been there for about 106 days of the year and I just think that its not that fair to show up that much and not get a day off. Although school is to learn, I’m going with what I put in the first sentence. I will be very happy if I got a day off even though I can’t see my friends. I will be happy to stay home whenever you tell me to. Another reason that I deserve a day off is because I have other things to do. Instead of math, I could be outside riding my bike. I could be playing guitar rather than doing social studies. The last reason is that it’s the same thing every day and it gets boring after a while. On the first day of school it was awesome because it was easy and fun. Compared to now, it’s just boaring.
Thanks for your detailed response Seth – good work! You’ve suggested many great activities to do on a day off! Your second sentence has a great start to a complex sentence, but then it gets confusing when you write, ” I’m going with what I put in the first sentence.” How could your complete that thought with something more powerful? Lastly, count how many times you’ve used the pronoun “I” in your work…try to replace or remove some of them:
“After showing up for 106 days of school without a break, I deserve a day off!”
Quick Fix:
– it is = it’s
– boring (not boaring)
I deserve a day off of school because there are lots of learning opportunities outside of school too. Firstly, every once in a while it’s always nice to have a break off of school. Secondly, when you are not at school you can boost your social skills by hanging out with friends. Third, when you have a day off of school you can go to the store and get more learning tools. Additionally, lots of kids are on Xboxes or electronics and just do not get exercise, but if we had an extra day off of school kids could do plenty of sports and activities. Furthermore, sometimes students need some extra free time to settle down and finish some projects. Lastly, kids and teachers always need time with their families to build memories, take a break or even just enjoy what life has to offer. That is why kids deserve more days off of school.
You’ve connected many great reasons in your response Alexa – nicely done! A few of your sentences repeat the pattern “when you…” – how can you change one of them? A few more complex sentences would be a good addition too. Have a look at some of your classmates’ posts for some ideas, or click here for some subordinate conjunctions to help you create complex sentences.
Although there is a lot of work to be done, I deserve a day off of school. I deserve a day off because I am a hard worker and I am able to complete my assignments and hand them in on time. As soon as I am assigned something I get right down to work. When I have a full day of ongoing school I get tired whereas when I get a day off I can have a little break to come back with fresh thoughts. Activities are crammed before and after school therefore not giving enough time to enjoy them. I also deserve a day off of school because I would be able to spend quality time with my family and friends. If I get a break I believe that by the time I arrive at school the next day I can come happy because I’ll get a good sleep.
You’ve written many brilliant complex sentences – well done Kiira! One area to revisit is the end of your first sentence and the beginning of your second sentence because they are repetitive.
I deserve a day off of school because I need to have a movie marathon and to sleep. I haven’t had a day to just relax and do nothing for such a long time and I really could use one. We naver get to sleep in because we have to go to school in the morning. Even though you might go to bed early it still won’t do much. If you had a movie day you could watch movies and then you could fall asleep while you watch them. You would also be able to sleep in and you wouldn’t get crankey if your not tired. Sometimes people need a breake just to relax and then they would be able to think better because they would have a clear mind. So you should give me a day off school.
Thanks for your thorough post Serena! Notice your use of the word ‘you’. What are some other ways to share your thoughts without using ‘you’ frequently?
If you had a movie day you could watch movies and then you could fall asleep while you watch them.
Quick Fix:
– break (not breake)
– cranky (not crankey)
I deserve a day off from school because we as school should just be allow because come on we all deserve a day 1 day away from all the work,bullys and grumpy teachers (not intending rudness) I don’t care if I’m so post to only talk about me and how I want a day off school.We all want a day off school out the cold when it below -10 and princeable won’t let us in a day,to play minecraft and a day to go friends house and be come better friends then ever before,every body needs a day off so please just let us have this simple request, let us have our day thank.
Thanks for your post Madison! How would you reorganize the school day to get everything you mention?
Take a minute to read your work out loud. You will notice things sound odd, and you will discover when punctuation is needed. Do this, make revisions, and resubmit your work.
I derseve a day off from school because it is finally warm outside. Although it is warm outside, I might be inside for a bit. Because its warm, kids like me can go outside and have fun insted of being on electronics inside. Parents and teachers always get mad because we are inside so if aI got a day off from school we could enjoy the beautiful sunny and warm day. We have so many cold days now that it is warm I want that day off so I can enjoy the sun. If get that day off I will have time to unwind and the next day I would be ready to work and wanting to learn.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Matthew. You are correct that the warm weather will be welcomed by many people who have grown tired of the cold winter. Reread your post and count how many times the word ‘warm’ appears. How does this impact the fluency of your writing?
I deserve a off school because:
I want a good amount of time to relax, rejuvenate, and have good fun with my friends, family, and ESPECIALLY my cat. Although it is close to spring break, and there should be no reason to take a break BEFORE a break. School is really stressful for many people including ME.
The reason for this stress is I have been sick a lot making me skip school, although I am getting many projects done, the work pile increases. This idea of stressfulness belongs to why I need a day off school is: I need a chance to clear the work pile and be relatively stress free. Although most people use their weekends playing sports and video games, I try and finish projects instead. I believe there should be MORE days off school because I deserve it!! Also I need to sleep, be lazy and finish projects.
Thanks for your thoughts Sam. You’ve expressed some great reasons that you deserve a day off! Remember, if you are ill, it’s not skipping school.
Finding a balance between work and play is important too. In most cases, using your class time wisely by staying on task, listening to lessons and asking for help as needed will reduce the workload at home. This said, the workload in high school will increase, so establishing great work habits now will pay off in the future.
I deserve a day off school because I need to travel the world… for homework of course. It would be great for homework because I would get to explore the ancient Egypt pyramid while running around eating ice cream. It would also be great for my learning because I might read a level 1 baby book on the way to Mexico… maybe, only if I’m not to distracted by flappy birds. I also think I deserve a day off of school because teacher and principles are very mean sometimes, like when the principle does not let us in side at the beginning of school when it is below -10 degrees! Also because the teachers give students way to much of work, than it becomes homework and that is just insane. Secondly teachers and principles are too perfect in a bad way, there to mean, they give to much homework out and that is why all the the students deserve a day off of school. Finally, It’s not just the students that deserve a day off school the teachers, principles and all of the support workers,they deserve a day off of school because they work hard too. Maybe not as hard as the students but they work hard when they have to hand out stuff, they needed to print that before they just handed it out. And when they make every thing so neat so we can work well, and that is why everyone deserves a day out of thus prison!
You’ve got a terrific opening sentences and have used an ellipsis (…) effectively! How is it possible to do all of the things you mention in a single day?
Quick Fix:
– too much work (too means very, extremely, and also)
– principal (person at school); principle (an idea or belief)
Because I have better things to do, I deserve a day off of school. Having a nap would be nice because I don’t get enough sleep even though I go to bed early. Although school is fun with my friends home is more fun because we have video games at home. In the winter as soon as get home from school its already dark because I have to take the bus. So if we get more school off in the winter it would be more time for sledding. In the summer by the time the lunch bell goes, it’s really hot so unless I stay home I can get stuff done in the morning. A day off of school would be faboulous.
Thanks for you post filled with complex sentences. Here are a couple ideas to keep in mind:
– Most writers avoid opening a sentence with ‘because’. This creates a confusing moment because you know the reason before you know the situation.
– Remember to add a comma between the dependent clause and the independent clause: Although school is fun with my friends, home is more fun because we have video games at home.
You’ve got a simple, but effective concluding sentence…it’s fabulous!
I deserve a day off school becuse I want to travel the world and learn. I could ba a huge learning oppertunity. Not to mention all the hard work I have been doing. I desereve to see different cultures and building structures. It would be like being at school but actually fun! I could reasearch marine life by scoobidiving. Therfor studying bioligy. It will help in almost every thing, S.S, Bioligy, English and others! While there i could take notes on things i learnt and cool things I learnt!When I got back I would even make a poster , and posibly even present it to the class. I would take lots of pictures and make a scrapbook. See there are soo may thing I can do there! I would get something out of it and so would you and the class. That is why IJ deserve a day off school!
Thanks for your post Brendan. It looks like you’ve got a busy day to travel the entire world! Take a moment to read your writing aloud…does, “Not to mention all the hard work I have been doing.” sound like an independent clause?
Quick Fix:
– self contained underwater breathing apparatus (scuba)
– I is always a capital letter (unless you write advertisements for McDonald’s)
Why do I deserve a day off school? Let me count the reasons. First, I work to the best of my ability becauseI know someday it will pay off. (The hope is in my mind that I will be great in the business world BUT) it will have nothing to do with the extra few days off in elementary school (in agood way). Second, if there weren’t so many clowns in our class we’d have our work done everyday. That is why I deserve a day off school.
Thanks for your thoughts Trey! Your opening sentences are effective, though you only count to two. You sound like you have more reasons…add some more of your thoughts to reach the 150 words.
What skills/strategies are needed to work with the students clowning around? What individual skills must you demonstrate to achieve the success you seek?
I deserve a day off school because, it would fun to have a day just to yourself. Imagine a whole day of not running around because of some big holiday. Just one care free day no worry at all. You don’t have to wake up early or get ready for school. You also just might spend it with your friends. Secondly, I think on day off school would help me finish all my projects in time for class.
Thirdly, we all work really hard and it wouldn’t hurt anyone just to have one day off. Learning is important but I’d rather be at home with family and friends. The teachers probably would like to have a day off. Another reason is because we need a break from work for a little while. The weekend is to short, you just start to have fun then its over. That’s why we have to get a day off school.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Mackenzie! Your description of a day off sounds perfect – carefree without worries!
Quick Fix:
– it is = it’s
– weekend is too short (use too if you mean very or extremely)
I Deserve A Day Off School Because…
I deserve a day off school, although sometimes I don’t. I would say I deserve it, because I try my hardest most of time. I also try my best to get good grades, even though I could do a lot better.. We should all get a day off school, including teachers, and students, because how much of the year we spend at school..I mean one day compared to ten months is basically nothing, right? In the event that, we ever do get an extra day off, I think everyone would be very happy! I know we still get some extra days off, but a day off in the middle of the week would be awesome! Also when the soccer season starts my schedule will be busy, as I would get tired from school and having to go to practice right after would just be exhausting. Also, we also need some time for spending with family and friends because, my weekends are also packed. An extra day would also help us get extra work and projects done that we couldn’t finish in class. I know we have a lot of pac days too, and i’m pretty thankful for those.. And also imagine how awesome a whole four day weekend would be!
Thanks for your detailed post Gurisha. You’ve used many effective, complex sentences – well done!
One improvement to consider is your opening sentence. It’s difficult to be convincing when you weaken your argument by saying, “…although sometimes I don’t.”